I have just realised to what extent i distance ppl! wat do i do?

don't get me wrong i love company and envy ppl who have someone to hug, smile at, comfort them; however i tend to back away when ppl start getting too close. When whilst hiking a guy offered his hand to help me down from a high rock i pushed it away, i mean involountarly, i didn't even think abt it. wat girl does that!! i backed away when a new male friend of mine tried to hug me and play wit my hair and did similiarly on other instances. he now basically ignores me. moreover, now that i found a true friend i am avoiding her. if she IMs I make an excuse that i'm busy! i had similiar experiences with other ppl for as long as i can remember and thus ruined relationships and an awesome bf (refering to d 2nd guy i mentioned before, who was rly caring wit me at first). i rly regret wat i have lost. i miss this guy's smile and attention, the company of certain ppl and the advice of others. Why do i fence myself? maybe i should start considering to visit a psychologist